No One Said Recovery Would be Easy
Happy Rebirth – Two Years
Today (August 5) makes two years since my rebirth. I am so thankful AND I am sad. Both of these feelings show up daily. I am grateful that God thought so much of me to keep me here for whatever my purpose is. I am sad because this shit is hard — really hard.
There will never be enough words to articulate my love and gratitude fully. In the same breath, I am not sure I know how to express my deep sadness either.
What they forget to tell you about recovery is it will never get easy. Maybe you’ll learn how to handle it better. Maybe you’ll learn how to divert your attention somewhere else. Maybe you’ll learn a really good coping mechanism. If you do have a way, share it with me please.
I often feel like I should be over it. It shouldn’t affect me as much as it does. But I’m not over it. This shit really changed my life in a very real, in-your-face kind of way. Every day I am reminded in some way that the aneurysm won. I do recognize there is some serious mind-shifting I have to do here (more on that later).
The hardest part about today is the world has moved on, but you are still in the place that cracked you open and made you a new person.
So it feels isolating all over again. I have cried a lot today. I have also thanked God endlessly. Because I am very much so happy and grateful. AND I am sad.
Thank you all so much for your continued support. I get a little weepy in this video — I decided to make a video expressing what the last two years have been like for me — a very condensed version. I’m okay, just full of all types of emotions. This has been the weirdest two years of my life. Days are hard, beautiful, and everything in between. Take a look at this video and listen to my thoughts. It’s a little choppy… I’m sure you can imagine this isn’t the easiest thing to talk through without a little angst, so bear with me as I try to talk through it all.
**I’M SORRY! THE VIDEO QUALITY AND SOUND SUCK! This is clearly not my world.**
It’s a really long video. No judgment whatsoever if you don’t get through it (lol). I want y’all to watch if you’re interested in getting a glimpse into the last two years for me.
While I have you here, let’s discuss some really important facts provided by the Brain Aneurysm Foundation:
African Americans and Hispanics are about twice as likely to have a brain aneurysm rupture.
Women are more likely than men to have a brain aneurysm (3:2 ratio).
Approximately 15% of people with a ruptured aneurysm die before reaching the hospital.
Ruptured brain aneurysms are fatal in about 50% of cases. Of those who survive, about 66% suffer some permanent neurological deficit.
20% of people diagnosed with a brain aneurysm have more than one aneurysm.
Unfortunately, most of the statistics I listed have proven to be 100% true for me.
I found out a few months ago that I, too, have a second aneurysm. BUT WE AREN’T GOING TO PANIC. We know this one exists, so my care team can track it. We can manage it. We can be two steps ahead of the aneurysm. I’m okay. God has been so faithful to me. I know He isn’t done with me yet.
My Bee Family
You all have heard me talk endlessly about my family and friends being the village that supported me beyond measure. I would be remiss not to tell you about my virtual family – The Bee Foundation. One of my biggest worries was feeling so alone during recovery. It’s not easy! I can’t stress that enough. Having a supportive group of people who know exactly what you feel before you get it out has been the true gem in this for me. They help me see that life can still be lived after a rupture. They also help me understand that I am not “crazy” with all of my different feelings.
Everyone in the organization is my extended family helping me manage and process this new reality. Yes, it still feels new to me. They reach out to me to make sure I am okay. They make time for me if there is anything I need to process.
Most importantly, they are doing the work alongside the Brain Aneurysm Foundation to raise awareness of this awful disease. They are working tirelessly to get our legislators to sign onto Ellie’s Law. Do me/us a favor and push your legislators to sign on, too, please.
Thank You
I am very appreciative of all of the support you all give me without asking for anything in return. I do have one more ask of you all, though. My only ask right now is that you click the links I provided and take action.
I hope you all are well, and in the moments that feel unbearable, I pray you have enough strength to step outside and turn your head towards the sun. She’s waiting for you .
Thanks for letting me share
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