Oh, No More Work?
My doc told me I may not have the mental capacity to do the work I once did. Here’s the thing, I really liked working. It was part of my identity.
But that’s the problem.
I sucked at cutting work off to live my life. I took on all of work all the time. Even while going on a vacation, I left home days after my family because I didn’t want to leave work, then I left the vacation before my family because I had so much work to do. Just dumb.
It’s hitting me now that, that life is over. I didn’t give any of this shit permission to happen to me. And I’m really mourning “working Jaleesa”. Even though I knew/know, living like that was unhealthy and unsustainable. It was still a huge part of my identity.
Now I’m sitting around stuck on stupid. What am I going to do for a steady paycheck now? What am I interested in? I can’t go back to being an assistant principal right now, because that work was so stressful. What makes me happy? What can I realistically do with this brain energy –or lack thereof? What skills do I currently have? How has my injury affected my ability to focus and contribute?
I’m so familiar with my team knowing me and knowing what I’m capable of. Thinking of having to get familiar with new people and new routines drains me just to think about.
Are men still looking to be sugar daddies? How do I sign up for one? I guess we would have to get married because I also need health insurance Just joking (kind of).
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